Up the Hammers

 

 

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Homework

  I bought myself a nice padded camoflauge jacket on Friday ready for the cold snap which will enevitably be here. I wore it in the afternoon whilst doing some gardening and I got quite hot so I took it off somewhere by the hedges. I haven't been able to find the darn thing since.

  My daughter said to me yesterday afternoon "Dad, can you do my homework for me tonight so that I can go to Ella's sleepover?"

 "No" I replied, "It just wouldn't be right"

 "That's Ok", she said, "Just give it your best shot"

 I keep wondering to myself why "abbreviation" is such a long word.

Technorati Tags : Movies, Holidays, WestHam, Sport

 

 

 

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"Uh-ha, it's all good baby bay-bee, uh"

Paper Airplanes

Well I just had a call to tell me that Kylie has just had her baby, a little girl. She had the baby by Csaerean and is doing fine. My nephew was born by Csaerean which was very rare in those days (He's 28). I don't think that it has had much affect on his life but nowdays whenever he leaves the house he goes through the lounge window.

The Hammers lost last night in the Carling (two bob)Cup to our bogey side (Bolton). Well at least we can concentrate on the league.

Have a butcher's at this website. It tells you how to make these pucker paper airplanes. They are brilliant. I threw one off the Empire State Building once and it ended up in Vancouver.

http://www.zurqui.co.cr/crinfocus/paper/airplane.html

 

Uh-ha, it's all good baby bay-bee, uh

 

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Instant Coffee

I was just thinking to myself and wondered if you were to put instant coffee into a microwave would you go back in time.

Had my haircut today, I usually do it myself but decided to go to the barbers as a treat. As he was shaving my head the hairdresser said "Are you going anywhere nice for Christmas?", so I replied "Well I've thought long and hard and after due consideration I've decided to go somewhere cr*p instead".

"Uh-ha, it's all good baby bay-bee, uh"

Sport at it's best

This is my favourite sporting website. Talking of sport, but in particular football, I got a taxi to Old Trafford last week, the taxi driver asked me if I've lived in London all my life and I said "not yet"

http://www.sportinglife.com

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Legend

RADOX

I got home from work today and decided to have a nice hot soothing bath. I decided to use the very expensive Radox bath salts that I bought from Tesco's at the weekend, they cost a bit more than my usual "pagan man" salts but I thought what the hell, I should treat myself once in a while. I was soaking away nicely in the hot bath but all I could think about was how much more money the Radox bath salts cost than my normal brand, and i just couldn't relax.

 

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LOOK

 

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Milk and newspapers

My next door neighbour took me to see Crystal Palace the other night. On the way to the ground I asked him if there would be a big gate. He said yes, and there would also be two huge doors, three cat flaps and forty five yards of tongue and groove fencing.

I must go, a Jehovah's Witness has just knocked on my door and told me that the World is going to end on 01 November 2005 so I must cancel the milk and newspapers.

Have a great weekend.

Ware?

I'm away on business at the moment in a place called 'Ware'. It was strange when I got to the ticket office at the station and asked for a return to 'Ware', but I suppose they are used to it, just like ticket blokes up north are used to people asking how much is it to 'Oldham'.

The hotel I'm staying in is rather shabby. I had to complain this morning, I phoned down to reception and said
"Excuse me, but I've gotta leak in my sink"
and the man on reception said "Yeah sure mate, go ahead".

Spoke to my brother last night and he tells me that his daughter has got engaged to a black cab driver. Well my brother's not at all racist but I don't think he's too happy about it.

Karaoke

I'm taking a trip to Paris next month with the family and when I went to get the tickets from Waterloo Station last week I said to the ticket man " I'd like four return tickets to Paris please"
"Eurostar?" he replied
"Well I've sung at a few karaoke's but I'm no Dean Martin", I said.

Articulated

Well at the weekend I met my sister in law's new boyfriend. It was at a family party and we had a few drinks, he seemed OK. When I spoke to her today I asked her what he did for a living and she said that he was an articulated lorry driver. I'm not too sure myself, because when I spoke to him he could just about string seven words together.

I walked past that new statue at Trafalgar square again today. It caused quite a bit of controversy in the news recently as it's of a nude pregnant disabled woman. I was actually there to witness the unveilling last month. There were three old guys standing next to me and one of them had a stroke after it was unveiled, the other two couldn't reach.

I must go, my son's doing his homework and has just asked me what is another word for Thesaurus.

Alice

Haven't been on here for a while as I have been a bit poorly. Eric reckons I've got a touch of the Alice. When I asked him what that was he said " I don't know, but it's what Christopher Robbin went down with".

I was trying to cross the very busy road across St Giles High Street the other day, It was so busy. Some old dear came up to me and said "There's a Zebra crossing round the corner young man"
" We'll I hope he's having better luck than me" I replied.